“not sure if you got the memo but we are not competing anymore. We are appreciating and uplifting each other instead” — Yung Pueblo
Add encouraging, loving, respecting each other to that.
In the last few years, my relationships have evolved quite drastically. I mean it.
I left a 17-year-old friendship with a person I had known for almost 10 years before the relationship started.
I gaslighted myself into believing that it is the purest and most important relationship of my life. Boy, was I a clown! :D
In reality, it was toxic. I was bullied at a young age and later created this strong illusion for myself — that my sense of self, my core and my identity lies outside of me. In that person. Of course not, right?
So at 29, in the middle of building my own sense of self, I had this realisation and quietly excused myself from the relationship. The person made a couple of attempts to find out what happened, but that is it. It was a gift. It was clear to me that I was invested in an unhealthy relationship.
Let me brag: I never felt more free in my life. The heavy weight I was carrying on my shoulders was gone instantly. Instantly. All the out-of-ordinary expectations I met in that relationship, I did out only out of fear. And no, I wasn’t going to let that continue.
When you clear out the clutter, you will make space for newer, more relevant, more fulfilling and real relationships. This is true. My life is proof and for this I am grateful. Every other relationship automatically, I’d like to believe, returned to how it should have been in the first place.
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FYI, all my friends identify as women and here is what makes my friendship with them wonderful!
They are real: 100%.
We respect each other: Yes, we do. We respect how each one wants and has to live her life. No questions asked. No judgements made. Friendship 101.
We understand each other: Mood swings. PMS. Pregnancy. Motherhood. Singlehood. Being woman. Patriarchy fucking us each in its own way.
When we don’t understand something, we talk about it. That is love right there!
We speak our minds: No one hesitates to speak her mind and express how she feels about everything around them.
We don’t compete: Each of our journey is unique. Some are in arranged marriages, some married men they dated for a long time. Some of us are not married. Some of us are interested in dating and others, not.
But, no one feels pressured to be somewhere she isn’t. We make fun and we celebrate all our lives equally. I’m proud of each one of them.
We communicate freely: This was somewhat confusing for me. Though it always felt easier to communicate with the person directly, my now-dead core relationship pattern was to always say one thing to the face and the opposite behind their back. I thank my stars I broke that pattern, quite easily. We are all mature adults telling each other what we want, while understanding others’ circumstances.
We respect the wide range of relationship dynamics: I believed people in groups were supposed to be on the same page all the time. This was the norm with my core relationship — play by the ‘leader’s’ rules.
Fuck off bitch! To each its own and no shade to anyone else.
We respect boundaries: There is no one way to be friends with your friends, no? And I have clear boundaries with each of them. I know what to say to whom, when, and how. There are emergency situations, and we get that too. We love how peaceful these relationship dynamics are.
We love each other: I love all of them with all my heart and I know they love me too. I try my best in reminding them to love themselves and take it easy sometimes. I know they are trying. And I love them so much more for trying!
They know it and I know it — we will be there for each other, no matter what in ways we can be there for each other! And that is all there is to friendship!
